the BABE
LOVE me&never let me go
SPOiLTbrat-
i got a fettish for DIMPLES, ouhmygawd.
(:(:
SPOiLTbrat-
i got a fettish for DIMPLES, ouhmygawd.
(:(:
Knock! Knock!
Just thoughts
0804 @ 2;33
So any. Fad. Up fer a movie huh? Holla me. Im on holidae. I guess. Haa. Sayang dearest wanted to join me holiday-ing but well. Cant k sayang. =)) So anw. I m just a lil excited fer RAYE to come. This will be the first time im celebrating with darlynk. Hearts jumping. Hoho. Yeah. And syasya going to go Kampung Glam with hm. Yupz. Now. Ive gtg alrd. Tata. Smwahh.
Your ego is worth more. And im sori that i cant accept the words eu said to me. This tym round, i am not going to swallow the words eu said. You messed out my life. Your promises lead me to a dead end. Your love kills me inside. However, no matter how loud i cried, the pain just wun go away. I guess the pain is there to stay. Ive come to realise that i really treasure that person so3 much but well. I have to give up certain things. And maybe this is the tym fer me to doo that. I fervently pray that he will get well soon. And what he said just now. I want him to recover okay. But i wun hope animore. Words are just wanton. The fact that eu trust that person so much will only lead you downstream. Im lost for words. We`ve come so far but well nothing last rite. But well, one thing i sure regret was my prelims. I cant save it just because my emotion was unstable. You lied. And i shall remember. Have i ever leave eu on the lurch?
I hope that after the call my mind will be at ease. Amin- At least you`re ok. I never dreamt it'd be this way. I've lost any chance for me to say. Will someone please tell me I'm okay. I wasn't prepared for what's to come. A life made of memories gone so young. And now I'm regretting all I've done. And I thank you for the love you gave to me. Now that the lines been broken. I'm too afraid to just look back. The pages have left an empty space. This is for the ones who believe their lives won't change. Hoping that someday things will mend and be the same. This is for the ones who have lost it all when all that's left to gain. Is a simple reminder that the things that were blind to slip away. Why does it have to be this way. =((
I broke my bloody promises. And he wanted me to mend my hair once again. But well. Im sorry. I cant. That was one of the things i did in order to keep eu at the back of my head. I wanted eu to see me the way i am now. Maybe that helps me to carry on with my life. No matter what i felt. Nothing will ever bring us back. And ouh. Tts just too sad. We`re better off this way. You tot i was the one being unfair as i was the one hu stopped all contacts. Its up to eu to decide.
We shall meet up some day. Im just not ready to see eu once again. Meeting eu is like accepting eu back into my life. I dun want to hurt my fragile heart again. Promises are loose between us. I dun wan history to repeat ever again. Tts y i didnt wan or paths to cross again earlier this year. And now. I hope that everything will be fine. As you and i falls apart, i hope that something good will appear. I never dreamt that we will be like this. Be happy in your life sweets. And eu called me sayang. OMG. -.- Im sori i cant give the kisses eu had wanted.
I wish i was stronger.
Darling, im just so sori about this. But this is just so unexpected. Please understand my situation. I love eu okae. No worries. I tried calling eu. I need eu so3 very much but eu were slping. So it`s okay.
Girlfren, im sory that i hung up on eu. I just dun want to disturb the conversation eu had with honeybunch.
And even so. Syasya really3 miss him. Thx fer calling. Thx fer hurting me too. I wish upon a star that we will stay strong just like what we were in the past. I just cant figure out what went wrong.
Uh damn. Darlynk, i miss eu. -.- Do eu have the tym to listen to me whine. Sigh~ Daa. Ive got no mood to blog. But syasya miss sayang dearest laa. And im going to miss him tml. Boo hoo.
Ouh ya. Just now went to downtown. Tts OUR nite sudy. Skipped maths nite study. Sori sayang i cant. No. I dont want to go anw. Thx fer persuading anw. =)) And otw dere, while walking somewhere near pool area, syasya saw tis mats. Yeah. They tried to catch my attention but failed. I didnt stop at them but while im in BK, saw them again. And there are so3 irritating. Bottomline. They wanted to make frens and in exchange fer numbers. Uh pls. But well. Lalala. Ok finish laa.
And she wasted her tears just now.She failed to uphold her strength. And although it seems that she`s okae. She`s just emotionally unstable to a small teeny weeny bit extent. Its undeniable that she misses him. Where`d you go. She missed EU so. Life goes on fer her. Yeahness. Happy fer her. But i pity her too. Look into her eyes. And hey. EU. Tell me what can eu see.
Uh freak. Im feeling lousy. Dumb. I miss darlynk can. ALOT. Cetot larh sei.
she shiok sendiri. lol
sya love faddie.
hoho
smile
boo!
terKENCIT.
syasyaLOVESrazif
fierce tak menjadi
candid
<33 him. swit.
us.
step blaja. hoho.
she`s crazy.
funny face.
wanted to kiss. but shy. ((=
aww. she kissed me.
faddie. hoho
us.
smoking part 3
i studied ok. not.
smoking part2
smoking part 1
fad.
sya smoke. not.
smile faddie
smile syasya
muke.
im studying
crook
tts my bestie.
we are cranky lads
syasya step cute. hoho
smawh pple.
look at the backgound. haa.
fad is deprived of taking pics.
syasya.ME
Fad studying.
shiok sendiri
fad. watcha doing?
halo poovan. halo is.
fadie n syadie <33
fad again.
i kissed her.
eww. yucks.
she said good to me.
i was mad.
smwahh him.
he`s my sayang dearest.
halo shaz.
halo sya
halo fad
hardworking ehk.
how buruk. i will love eu laa. haha.
look at fad`s butt.
cute.
more cuter
shaz and fad
smwah.
hoho.
faddie.
teehee.
So yeah Me and bestie had planned to go fer our breakfast at 9:30. But as usual, we woke up late. Hoho. Sori faddie. Anw. Syasya board bus 28 at ard 12. And guess wgat??! I swear it was him. Yes it was him. Positively sure. Darn it. Had my mp3 stucked on my ear. And hell. I was in rush. But thank god. The situation was like that. Just imagine if i would have to face his face at that moment. Im sure that my eyes will be sting by my tears. Lalala. Yes. At that moment. My heart skipped a beat. Maybe two. Drum rolls. But i noe i have to be strong. And gawd. WHile i was rushing, i accidently knocked his feet. Cross-legged. Signalled sori to that person. But i didnt turn around coz i was too busy finding my ezlink card. But bottomline is that. Im swear it was him. Yeah. He`s still alive though.
Met fad. And i was super late. As usual. Sori. Reached the class. Guess what? I cried. Yeah. I broke my bloody promise that i made to myself. Argh shoots. WTH. And thx fad. At least u understood. Its pain fad. U asked me. Why i cried? And hell ive got no answers to that. ))= BUt well. Im moving on. Swear i am trying. And guess what. Whenever i tink about that. I will imagine sayang dearest face. And that really helps. ((= Thx bebeh. And after i cried. I just find myself acting really dumb. Haa. And im shy towards fad larh fer showing my cant contro emotions.
So I went to meet sayang dearest. Woot. AH bliss. I miss my boyfren can. FINALLY. And he told me that he saw shawal laa. Hmm. No futher elaboration. Went simei. After that went to paris. Im still missing him. ))= GAwd, i miss my sayang. BIG HUGSS can? Haa. Anw. I find that she`s good. At playing that. Wah. Shiok uh. Shiok.
And i meet up with faddie and shaz. Eat my late dinner. And hey. Went to the beach. Yeah. I let him outta my head. Some. The rest. Cant. And he`s there at the beach. MAy his soul rest in peace. ((= And boi. Im sori that i broke my damn promise i made. Promises are meant to be broken fer both of us. Since eu didnt keep urs. Den y should i? Haa. And i will try my very best to love him as much as i can. (though i am very afraid. n i doubt i can make it.) And i shall prove to eu that i can make it still. Haa. And i bloody want to dye my hair. I hope i bump into eu. Kan shiok. Jusst wana see those expressions. N guess what? Sya fell off at that rope. Bloody toot. *shy* Ok. SHUDDUP fad and shaz. LOL.
Ok. Im tired. Sayang dearest asked me to call him once i reached home. But unfortuately, he`s aslp i guess. Swit drems sayang. Big hugs. ANd sya misses eu. Sya love eu can. Haa. Smwahh. Few more daes till the egg is gonna hatch. Soon k. Be patient.
Fad. Thx fer accompanying me board the bus okay. Love eu. And thx fer that note. That really shows that eu care. Love eu honeybunch!!
Maka Dia akan mengampunkan orang-orang yang meminta keampunan, akan merahmati sesiapa yang meminta dan Dia akan menangguhkan (pencatatan kejahatan) bagi orang yang berdendam sebagaimana idaman dendaman mereka.'
Hmm. I wante to go to expo. Yeah. I want to. But due to some reasons. I guess. I will just skipp t. Alaa. ))= I went last year sei. So anw. Im gonna doa fer everything. What i feeling inside me and all stuffs. I hope i will be stronger after this. And i want it to be good. Amin.
Bt just a sincere appology if i ever hurt eu again and again.
Argh freak. And i swear that sayang dearest doesnt know what is happening. He will. But nth much actually. Its not that i did sth wrong. Hell no. I learnt from mistakes ok. I dun wish to lose him. And that`s fer sure. But well. This feeling about him is like tearing my heart apart can. Pain. Pain. Tell me. How am i suppose to erased this character ouuta my life wen i kept dreaming about him. Yes. Ive been dreaming about him. And i soo hate malay songs now can. I soo hate him. Fer making me into this, BLOODY BRAINS! Control my mind ass hole!! Like haloo. I nid to study. Buut i cant. How. How. Fad. Help me. *middle finger* I soo nid to go to the beach. That`s where he once told me to calm my mind and everythg. I still remembered that. And it does help me. [luaskan ur mind like this sea. i noe eu can. yes eu can] That happened like almost 1 year before. Remember fad..? Eu were there. I cried my hearts out rite. And tis tm. It happened again. And i dont want this to affect my realtionship with sayang dearest and oso my O level. Hell no. I feel so weak. I feel so pffft. I cant explain.
Fad. R eu serious that eu want to go study ton? Hmm. Tonight issit? I shall asked my mom. Haa. I try laa. Fad. See. Its haunting me laa. I dont noe y i called eu the moment i woke up and tell eu that. But i swear that tis is such a bitch. Fad holla me ok. Fad. Change me. Change me.
Somewhere within the imperfect me, lies a person totally different from what the eye can see.
Dwell on TODAY`S opportunity not yesterday`s blunder.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Ive been grounded fer 3 days. Sheesh. And this Saturdae, which is today, is relatively monotonous. I had a mundane Saturdae. Duh. Its supposed to be my 'days out with gerlfrens, boyfrens or huever hu ask me out.' But not this time round though. =(( I have to serve kindda detention. OMFG. It sucks larh. But well.
On a lighter note, i was pretty happy with myself. I did the chores even without my mom asked me to. LOL. It was just a facade, mind eu. I nid to put up a good impression, for goodness sake. I want to be free. Well, this is the 1st tym ever im being grounded ok. After like near 17 years. Ouw. Ive ironED my skewl clothes ok. Haa. Plus all those tshirts and class tshirts that im going to wear fer those oncoming nite studies. Duh. See. Im pretty organised for next week. THx to the grounded schemes. So. Being grounded really help me to do all those pathetic stuffs. Haa. Like duhh. Seriously, ive got nothing to do ok. Imagine watching the telly, which i find it bored, computers, hogging on the phone, wacthing dvds, read books, sleep, eat, drink and study. Neither of them caught my attention. Since im not fasting at the moment, i indulged myself with foods. Yummeh. Cant hog on the phone too much cause my bill is over $300 plus. Crazy. And so. I did bits and pieces of the other stuffs. Lalala. Im soo deprived right now. Sb help. . Hoho.
Yes. Sya miss my sayang dearest can. He must be enjoying himself rite now. Bet eu that are a lot of eye-candies. Huh. Hu huh. Haa. Halo sayang. Pls keep ur eyes to urself ok. Haaa. Bahh. =p Ne mind laa. Let me sing eu a song k. .
Hapi (advanced) BDAE to eu.
Hapi BDAE to eu.
Hapi BdaE to SAYANG. . .
Hapi BDAE to EU.
*claps*
Ouh. Anw. He called me just now. Had a great conversation just now. But it lasted for a while. I miss hogging on the phone with him. We used to hog till wee hours. Somehow, i had a great laugh. Its been quite some tym since we did that due to our frayed relationship. So. Its been 2 consecutive Saturdays he called.
Watch SI jus now. And ended up, SI watched me. HOho. Tiddy ho.
Alas. My blog is back to normal. Fuhh. It took me soSOso long for me to clear up the mess in my blog. So im done. Haa. My bach is aching as a result. Like haloo. Im wasting my time doing blogs. I should study rite.
Skip tt.
So anw. I was awaken by the phone call. Went to meet him for a while. =)) Ouh well. Today is the first tym in my life that i did that. Duhh. Haa. But well. Even with HIM, i didnt do such stuffs. Hoho. So. We received stares from the people. Laa. Cant eu just mind your own business. I just cant control the temptations to hug him. To hold his hand. Haha.
So. I hope that he will enjoy his bdae celebrations todae. Aww. I missed the fun. Sori sayang. Cant go. =((
Syg.
Happy Advanced 16th Bdae.
I love eu sweets.
Im excited.
We will be 16 TOGETHER.
*winks*
hoho.
LOL.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Nite study was ok laa. Took 2 burgers. Haa. Anw. Ive got sth to tell to her. But im just too reserve to tell het. Yet. Its better not. So i had a great laugh. Sorri Ms Farah. Hoho. ANd taufik`s and sayang dearest reactions ware super funny. Haa. Uve been punkED. HOHO.
So anw. Syasya gave sayang dearest sth. Haa. A duck. Press it and it will say. "i LOVE euu!" [gave tt to HIM the last tym] Fer now, i meant it ok. But i do not now what`s to come. So. No high hopes or what so ever. Life's too short for regrets. So treasure every moment of it. Lokk hus speaking. Duh.
So anw. Happi BDAE to dearest AKIL. =)) Sori i didnt wish eu little boi. Cause ure still small anw. U wun understoood every words i said. At least i wish an advanced wish fer eu thru ur dearest pakcik days back.
Next. Happy BDAE to ADILLAH. Girlfren! Ure 17. Wee. Best wishes yeah. So fad and me made her a card Like haloo. Its rather pathetic lor. We used the mcdonald's napkins. And wrote all those best wishes here. But hey. Its the tot that counts rite. =))
Ouh. So let me update. People. Im just super sorry hat i let eu guys down. Ive dropped my f&n. Yesh. Tis ym its confirmed. Sigh. So i learnt a lesson. In my previous post, i was glad that i was avle to continue my f&n. But the excitement and hopes were short-lived. Bottom live is that, NEVERnever gets too happy even after sth is konfem. Dun let euphoria controls eu. Get it.
Anw. Thx to Mdm sharifah oso laa. Though i cant make it. And least eu gave me hopes. Though shattered. But its okae. Uve been kind to me. =))
So. Thx sayang fer cooing me down yesterdae hanney. Thx fer the hugs. Yes. Much appreciated. And to his frens. Im sori i took him away from eu for a while. Like haloo. He was dere when i need him. Thx sweets. Love eu. Smwahh.
And girlfens. Im sorri ok. Its not that i want. I have to. And thx fer giving me those advices but it didnt turn out good. Thx faddie fer ur hugs. Thx people. Pls learn something from me. STOP PROCASTINATING. OR YOU WILL SUFFER. =((
And ouh. Ive been grounded. Ouh shits. Yeah. This is what i got for everything. But thank god. They are understanding enough. Ayah and Ibu are really dissapointed in me. Sigh. Im soSOso sorri. =(( And shits. I have to show them my results. There will be worst. Help me. Ish. -.-
And that means that i cant celebrate sayang dearest bdae. Alaa. We shall see how. Im gonna miss the fun tml. =(( Sorri sayang. Eu daa excited sei. Im sorii darlynk. Anw. Hapi advanced bdae k sayang. Going to be 16 sei!!! Can play pool at downtown alrd seh. Ceh!! Haa. LOL. *winks*
And syasya really3 miss him alot alot alot alot sei. Sigh. Ok shuddup. I have to get use to all this. In time to come, maybe i wun get to see him. Tts worst. And study leave is coming. Sigh. Whatever. Good luck to eveybody for ur O's ok. Mug hard. . .
Fad sayang. Cheer up k. Dun do stoopid thgs uh. U are smart enough to differentiate things from whats right and what`s rong kan. Ure NOT dumb. Like haloo. So stop it ok. They angry. So. Let them be cause we choose this way. Its just to late to regret. So we have to face the music. See. So EU dun gain anythg from that kan. Girlfren. Its ok. Life has not come to an end yet. There`s still O level rite. Be strong aye.
Shaz dear. Eu too. I think that eu made the wise decision. Its okay if someone eu love goes away. Its not like as if they are ur mom or dad rite. So y bother. Its hard to face the fact that sb eu love sosoSO much is gone just like that. Dun tink too much ok. We have to let go of certain thgs in life. Dun worry. If both of eu are meant to be, no matter how long u are being separated, somedae eu will eventually be together. But that's an if with a capital I. So. fer now. Da. Rest ur mind darling. Been there. SMile k.
Poovan sayang. Pls3. I dun wan eu to get involve in those stuffs k. Im just worried. And dun because of sb, u change. Whatever it is, do take care. Eu wan ur baby to be cacat is it. Hoho. =p
Fuhh. Tts like a lot. So. I tok a lot uh. Haha. =)) There`s more actually. But i forgot. FAggots.
ps. darlynk. sya miss eu larh.
FAD
...
nothing laa
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Peek a boo. So well. Its been quite some time since syasya last wrote an entry with my mind at ease. Hmm. Ive been busy catching up with my skewl stuffs. And well. Seriously, ive got no tym to blog. Anw. Skewl has been fun fer me these days. Like duhh. Its ending soon. Im gonna miss all those tym here in DUNMAN lor. So. Let me see. There will be Science nite study tonite. Bahh. Im just wornED off with a capital W. My level of energy is just dilating as the clock ticks off. -__-"I dun even have the time to update my blog profile lor. See. =))
However, my life has to go on. Im going to mug hard fer my exams. REAL hard. And i mean it. I swear im going to start next week. And by then. I`ll be extra busy. Hurhur. No more meet-ups with the boyfren. No hanky panky. Hoho. Nah. Was just kidding. Fad and shaz love that quote huh. Ouh well speaking of boyfren, i do miss him larh even when we have got the chance to see each other every day even if it`s only mere glances thingy. <3>
So anw. Syasya has been toking to him fer like 3 consecutive daes. Nah. Was it 2? Im not quite sure either. But well. Things are definitely moving conscienctiously between us. Its evident that he misses me. And yeah. I miss him too. But let put things the way it was. Apparently, im just inclined to my boyfren ok. Hoho. No much expectations but still. =)) Im just sorri darling if i reacted coldly towards eu. I just cant return eu the feelings you`re feeling towards me. But let me assure eu. The misses are still there. The love. Hmm. Cant be explained. Whatever. I love darlynk larh. Girlfrens. Boyfrens.
Ouh. I teared just now. So malu can. *shy* And my gratitude goes too poovan sayang, marisher darling and NAJIB. And faddie. Thx people. They cheered me up larh. And a bigBIG thankYOU to MDM SHARIFAH. Aww. Y must she be kind to me. Hoho. I soo love her okae. Ps. Im a coward in her lesson. HAHa.
Hmm. Quite arid huh my entry. Hoho. But its okae. So i wish my sayang dearest HAPI BELATED BIRTHDAE kae. Counting down the days. Hoho.
But im just afraid that i cant celebrate it with him. Im tied up with stuffs these weekend. And i have to do it for goodness sake. I was given a second chance ok. I should learnt from lessons and make full use of it. Im just too afraid to tell it to him. Kesian. He`s been enthusiatically waiting fr the day to come sei. So boyfren or assignment? Well. Thats pretty hard. Gee. What say eu?
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
ps.
its been a year since
im getting better now
EXACTLY 1 year back.
i cried my hearts out
i was the bitch hu asked for it
and the boy gave what i wanted
leaving without him
was HARD at first.
but
. . .
somehow i miss him.
17 mths.
patched.
break.
separated.
bubbye
at least. thx fer coming into my life.
i love eu no matter what k.
as abg. . as a fren.
tt's more like it
love,sya
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Pheeewit. HADY won the title yesterdae. Ahh. Bliss. At least my votings didnt go down the drain. But well. He has got the talent though. Huh? Yesterdae was fun. Imagine screaming at the bustop with ur girlfriends. Tts what we did. We are glad that HADY won. Yesh. And while we were in the bus, i was smitten by his looks. Aww. Cute kan dier. But well. Sya. Get a hold of urself switie. =))So any. Fad. Up fer a movie huh? Holla me. Im on holidae. I guess. Haa. Sayang dearest wanted to join me holiday-ing but well. Cant k sayang. =)) So anw. I m just a lil excited fer RAYE to come. This will be the first time im celebrating with darlynk. Hearts jumping. Hoho. Yeah. And syasya going to go Kampung Glam with hm. Yupz. Now. Ive gtg alrd. Tata. Smwahh.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Hapi 7 months darlynk.!! Be happy with me aye. Smwahh. I love eu to bits. <33.>
25 th of the MONTH.
Syasya sayang Razif.
Nah.
I wun/never put high hopes though.
I shall treasure all the moments i had with eu k.
What eu said just now, touches me.
4 real sayang?
Gd nite. Slp tite. Swit dreams k.
Dream of me like how EU wan me to dream of eu.
See eu in lala LAND bebeh.
`Smwah. Smwah. Smwah. Smwah. Smwahhh~
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Damn it laa. So fasting month has come. And im agitated. By some people. Grr. I should tolerate all these. And am still tolerating. Ouh well. Its up to eu laa. Asalkan kau bahagia? Lalala. Fad. Good luck fer ur exams ok. Anw. I just cant seem to update my blog. Any kind souls wanna help me?
BLOG under reconstruction. =))
smwahh people.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Im sitting here. Thinking bout how im gonna do without you around, in my life. You want the truth. Well boyl im not alright. Feel out of place, and out of timeI think im gonna lose my mind. Are you for real. Do you still think of me. Baby still. Do you dream of me at night Ouh let me tell you how it feels. Wish i was dreaming but its real. I miss your face. I even miss the arguments. That we would have, from time to time. I miss you standing by my side. I'm dying here, its clear to see. There ain't no you, God knows there ain't no me.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Fad. Thx. That call really SUPRISED me. And yeah. Here i am sobbing. I dunnoe the reasons fer crying. Fad. Eu noe rite. Fad. I nid eu now laa. =(( -Fucked up my life- I never expected that to happen. Again. But well. When the time did happened. I was not prepared at all. Tell me. Darling. Can eu like be here now. I nid eu too. I want eu to hug me can. Im soo saddened by blablabla. Its supposed to be happi. Yeah. Im elated but im dissapointed. Uterly dissapointed. So. Will that be the last tym i heard the voice? Ouh well. My heart just crushed after what had happened weeks back. Love really taught me something. And i swear it just hurts. So deep that it takes real long to heal. I guessed. I just wonder if all this is worth while. Where will it brings me. I hate goodbyes. I never wanted to bid goodbyes to him. I can deny the fact rite. I wanted to let everything out to him. But there`s always limits. And i just dunnoe how it strayed away. Just like that. Your ego is worth more. And im sori that i cant accept the words eu said to me. This tym round, i am not going to swallow the words eu said. You messed out my life. Your promises lead me to a dead end. Your love kills me inside. However, no matter how loud i cried, the pain just wun go away. I guess the pain is there to stay. Ive come to realise that i really treasure that person so3 much but well. I have to give up certain things. And maybe this is the tym fer me to doo that. I fervently pray that he will get well soon. And what he said just now. I want him to recover okay. But i wun hope animore. Words are just wanton. The fact that eu trust that person so much will only lead you downstream. Im lost for words. We`ve come so far but well nothing last rite. But well, one thing i sure regret was my prelims. I cant save it just because my emotion was unstable. You lied. And i shall remember. Have i ever leave eu on the lurch?
I hope that after the call my mind will be at ease. Amin- At least you`re ok. I never dreamt it'd be this way. I've lost any chance for me to say. Will someone please tell me I'm okay. I wasn't prepared for what's to come. A life made of memories gone so young. And now I'm regretting all I've done. And I thank you for the love you gave to me. Now that the lines been broken. I'm too afraid to just look back. The pages have left an empty space. This is for the ones who believe their lives won't change. Hoping that someday things will mend and be the same. This is for the ones who have lost it all when all that's left to gain. Is a simple reminder that the things that were blind to slip away. Why does it have to be this way. =((
I broke my bloody promises. And he wanted me to mend my hair once again. But well. Im sorry. I cant. That was one of the things i did in order to keep eu at the back of my head. I wanted eu to see me the way i am now. Maybe that helps me to carry on with my life. No matter what i felt. Nothing will ever bring us back. And ouh. Tts just too sad. We`re better off this way. You tot i was the one being unfair as i was the one hu stopped all contacts. Its up to eu to decide.
We shall meet up some day. Im just not ready to see eu once again. Meeting eu is like accepting eu back into my life. I dun want to hurt my fragile heart again. Promises are loose between us. I dun wan history to repeat ever again. Tts y i didnt wan or paths to cross again earlier this year. And now. I hope that everything will be fine. As you and i falls apart, i hope that something good will appear. I never dreamt that we will be like this. Be happy in your life sweets. And eu called me sayang. OMG. -.- Im sori i cant give the kisses eu had wanted.
I wish i was stronger.
Darling, im just so sori about this. But this is just so unexpected. Please understand my situation. I love eu okae. No worries. I tried calling eu. I need eu so3 very much but eu were slping. So it`s okay.
Girlfren, im sory that i hung up on eu. I just dun want to disturb the conversation eu had with honeybunch.
And even so. Syasya really3 miss him. Thx fer calling. Thx fer hurting me too. I wish upon a star that we will stay strong just like what we were in the past. I just cant figure out what went wrong.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Ouh well. Actually. Im just too tired to blog. But since im using the comp, y not spare that teeny weeny bit of time blogging. Yeah. My blog has been lagging behind tym. OMG. I have got no tym to spare like seriously. Im just too tired, too busy. Bottom line. Im getting all tight up with stuffs. And i had wanted to blog so3 badly yesterdae. Yes. But i had no tym. But whatever. It was settled. But i find it rather 'minor' about yesterdae. I cant please everyone okae. Im just so3 sori if (one dae) i cant meet up or sometimes have to prioritise others before eu. Da laa. Tts over. Thk god there`s such word as calm, patience and blablabla. =)) <33.Uh damn. Darlynk, i miss eu. -.- Do eu have the tym to listen to me whine. Sigh~ Daa. Ive got no mood to blog. But syasya miss sayang dearest laa. And im going to miss him tml. Boo hoo.
Ouh ya. Just now went to downtown. Tts OUR nite sudy. Skipped maths nite study. Sori sayang i cant. No. I dont want to go anw. Thx fer persuading anw. =)) And otw dere, while walking somewhere near pool area, syasya saw tis mats. Yeah. They tried to catch my attention but failed. I didnt stop at them but while im in BK, saw them again. And there are so3 irritating. Bottomline. They wanted to make frens and in exchange fer numbers. Uh pls. But well. Lalala. Ok finish laa.
And she wasted her tears just now.She failed to uphold her strength. And although it seems that she`s okae. She`s just emotionally unstable to a small teeny weeny bit extent. Its undeniable that she misses him. Where`d you go. She missed EU so. Life goes on fer her. Yeahness. Happy fer her. But i pity her too. Look into her eyes. And hey. EU. Tell me what can eu see.
Uh freak. Im feeling lousy. Dumb. I miss darlynk can. ALOT. Cetot larh sei.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Laa. Y i cant view my blog? Gendeng. Y ehk. Tel me. Tell me. Yes uh. PRELIM`S over. Woohoo. ((= Tkcr.
Friday, September 15, 2006
HAPY BELATED 16TH BDAE ACAP.
=)
Owitez. I got to noe tis guy. I forgot his name laa. DDun bother anw. And i soo dun like his perangai can. Eww. Ape ntah. Dun even noe him. Yet kol me sayang, dear. WTH. Haa. Eww. Guys. Guys. Semua same laa. Ish. ISh. If sayang dearest tahu. I wonder. I tell him bout that. See laa. Not like i go layan him or something. Asked my number. Peh gidaa. Tapi hansem. Can sae cute uh. But i love my sayang dearest still and counting okae. Hoho. Sya miss him. Can. Haa. Meet hhim just now. Lalala. Ok daa. And pple. Syasya tak smoke laa sei. =<
Firstly. Ive been busy to blog. So cut short. I had fun with shaz darling tat dae. Story telling and stuffs. =)) So. Fad must had a great tym. So am i. Kan shaz. Haa. Fun laa sei. So anw. Exams suck. And wee. I totally forgot what i should blog on. Duh. -__-"
K laa. Ouh. Let me make this thg clear. Syasya DUN SMOKE okae. And that picture with something in my mouth IS NOT A CIGARETTE. For goodness sake. Its paper made by JULIAN. Lol. It looks like real. But haloo. Its FAKE. Syasya DONT SMOKE. Grr. InsyaAllah. I wun get influence by the people around me kae. Lala. Dunnoe me than SHUDDUP uh. =>
K laa. Ouh. Let me make this thg clear. Syasya DUN SMOKE okae. And that picture with something in my mouth IS NOT A CIGARETTE. For goodness sake. Its paper made by JULIAN. Lol. It looks like real. But haloo. Its FAKE. Syasya DONT SMOKE. Grr. InsyaAllah. I wun get influence by the people around me kae. Lala. Dunnoe me than SHUDDUP uh. =>
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
After exam. Meet sayang dearest. After that. Went study with faddie and shaz. Yeah. We studied okae. I can study. Fad too. But after that went to beach. Shaz. Chill. Eu can. Yes eu can. Hoho. Eu noe i noe fad noe laa. Hoho. Ok tkcr. Im tired. Im gonna take a nap. Anw. Its fun cam whoring. I shall upload them real soon. Im too tired now. Lollies. Teehee.
Uh frak. Chemistry was hard. Yeah. I cant do it. Like seriously laa. And i swear i did not study fer that paper. But well. Whatever. Its over anw. So. After exam. Went to meet sayang dearest. Hmm. Its so different todae. As though i did not want to separate from that little boy. Hmm. Well. Adik. =P Todae. Its hard fer me to separate sei. LOL. We said our goodbyes fer over 10 mins i guess. But we are still together. Haa. But anw. Yeah. Im a good actress and he`s a good actor. I miss his hugs can. I miss disturbing him. I had a whale of time. But too bad. We are with our uniforms. Grr.
So yeah. I have to prepare myself mentally. Reasons? As o level is just around the corner. We should not meet each other that often. Hmm. We dun really meet laa. But wen we meet. It will continue fer consecutive daes. Hoho. Good. ((= But. Fer now. Put that aside. BACKSIDE???!!! Haha. ANd we HAVE to concentrate on our studies. I want us to be successful and cry for joy when we got our results. Not the other wae round. And i have to prove to someone that i can do it. Hoho. So sayang. Im gonna miss eu okay. Smwahh bebeh! Tkcr.
So yeah. I have to prepare myself mentally. Reasons? As o level is just around the corner. We should not meet each other that often. Hmm. We dun really meet laa. But wen we meet. It will continue fer consecutive daes. Hoho. Good. ((= But. Fer now. Put that aside. BACKSIDE???!!! Haha. ANd we HAVE to concentrate on our studies. I want us to be successful and cry for joy when we got our results. Not the other wae round. And i have to prove to someone that i can do it. Hoho. So sayang. Im gonna miss eu okay. Smwahh bebeh! Tkcr.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Dear diary,
(mood=apathetic)
Ouh well. Its 2. Yeah. Im feeling ever so3 lousy. Im so guilty. Yeah. And he waited fer my call until 1 plus. Im sori. I cant use the phone. I wish i could tok to eu longer. But well. I hope that wun affect our realtionship in the future. And sayang. Im truly touched. Even if this will oni last GOD-NOES-WHEN, u showed me the meaning of patience and tolerence. Yeah. If i were eu. I will not be able to make t this far like eu did. U persevered no matter what i did. And thank god. U are holding on. I hope eu are reading this. I wish eu could. And sayang. Im truly sori over wht eu saw ok. When didnt tell me that eu have noticed it fer long? Hmm. Yeah. It`s from him. But. I didnt tink about him when im wearing that. It`s like he`s a character in the story of my life. Though i dun wan that to happen. But it did. Nah. I dun wan to tok about that. Now. Im with eu rite. And i swear that sayang. I lv eu even more. And also. Im sori that i cant love eu as much or near to the maximum. Haa. Weird. But pls. I dun wan to face that part again. Its simply because im just to afraid to love someone after what had happened to me. Ive gone thru the sorrowness of break-ups. And it hurts esp my previous one. And fer that. Ive learnt not to love that someone as much. Because if somedae the rlationship fails. Eu will go thru shits. Yes. I meant it. And i just got that phobia. Pls. But still. No matter what. I love eu k bebeh. BIG HUGS. Its not fair. But that`s what i can give. And i`ll just try.
And im sori if i made eu tear. That ring a bell to my head that somehow eu really feel that love thingy towards me. Or maybe. There`s feelings towards me. Haa. Yeah. All this while. I doubt eu. And am still. A lil bit. That is also part of my phobia. Never2 trust what guys said. Cause i strongly believe that words are wanton. And girls are alwaez blinded by guys switness. Im just too afraid. U tried to give me that reassurance. Much appreciated. But sayang. Im too degil. Haa. But somehow. That attitude of urs really make me come to a point that im just being unfair kan. But. Let time recede the situation. <33>
Seriously. Im just afraid to tink of the possibilities. ))= And sayang. That incident in the past really taught me and i learnt my lessons. I thought that i will NEVER ever wan to hurt eu after all those incidents i did. But see. It happened again. Although this tym i didnt reAlised my mistake at first. Bottom line is that i hurt eu time and again. And the word NEVER does not exist in my dictionary now. See. Even my words are wanton. Loose.
Pls3. Dun ever hide ur feelings from me just because eu dun wan to hurt me or something. Cause. I just hate it when eu have to suffer in silence. While im out there repeating my mistakes, tinking that im happi but at the same tym hurting someone who is deAr to me. I just hate tinking that im being hypocrites. Cause i just hate those kind of people. Its like. Mengajar anak ketam jalan dengan betul. Sth laa.
That conversation eased me down. If oni you were less than an inch away from me. It will definitely soothe my mind. But that helps me too. Thx bebeh. And whatever eu felt. Listen here okay. Never never tink that way k sayang. Every individual has different characteristic. And sayang. I love you the wae eu are. I dun wan to love somebody who is just a replica of some other things. Eu are special and unique in ur own wae k sayang. And. I dun need all that in exchange fer happiness. Im just happi the wae we are now. Thank god. I have a boyfren hu has high tolerance of my nonsense and patience although i gave him shits. Haa. Maybe fer now laa kan? Might never noe in the future. Cause what i see. He is somebody hu is hot-tempered. But why not to me. Haa. Alhamdulillah fer that. Is that just part of those switness eu have in order to make me fall fer eu. Haa. Ok. Im sori fer doubting eu again. Hmm. ((=
So anw. Bottom line is that. Im sori kae. And sayang. Thx fer guiding me thru this few months. Im just wondering why eu do not give up on me even when i hurt eu time and again. Hmm. Sayang. Thx. And. aby. I love eu loads. Argh. Stay strong with me aye. Haa. Nah. Im not the type of person hu will ask that guy to stick with me laa. So if eu have that feelings. Den. Tell me ok. I dun wan to be shiok sendiri. LOL. Eu may be mad at me fer that sentence i wrote. But well. Nothing last as long evn if eu want it to be in that manner. I believe in that. Somehow.
And. Yes. I love eu sayang. Love eu. Love eu. Seems mushy. Eww. But hu cares. Its my blog. Fuh. Im better now after blogging and toking to eu. Im sori. Im truly am. Swit dreams. And good luck fer ur paper. U have gt another 4 hours to wake up to skewl. Haa. Nitez! Dream of me aye.
(mood=apathetic)
Ouh well. Its 2. Yeah. Im feeling ever so3 lousy. Im so guilty. Yeah. And he waited fer my call until 1 plus. Im sori. I cant use the phone. I wish i could tok to eu longer. But well. I hope that wun affect our realtionship in the future. And sayang. Im truly touched. Even if this will oni last GOD-NOES-WHEN, u showed me the meaning of patience and tolerence. Yeah. If i were eu. I will not be able to make t this far like eu did. U persevered no matter what i did. And thank god. U are holding on. I hope eu are reading this. I wish eu could. And sayang. Im truly sori over wht eu saw ok. When didnt tell me that eu have noticed it fer long? Hmm. Yeah. It`s from him. But. I didnt tink about him when im wearing that. It`s like he`s a character in the story of my life. Though i dun wan that to happen. But it did. Nah. I dun wan to tok about that. Now. Im with eu rite. And i swear that sayang. I lv eu even more. And also. Im sori that i cant love eu as much or near to the maximum. Haa. Weird. But pls. I dun wan to face that part again. Its simply because im just to afraid to love someone after what had happened to me. Ive gone thru the sorrowness of break-ups. And it hurts esp my previous one. And fer that. Ive learnt not to love that someone as much. Because if somedae the rlationship fails. Eu will go thru shits. Yes. I meant it. And i just got that phobia. Pls. But still. No matter what. I love eu k bebeh. BIG HUGS. Its not fair. But that`s what i can give. And i`ll just try.
And im sori if i made eu tear. That ring a bell to my head that somehow eu really feel that love thingy towards me. Or maybe. There`s feelings towards me. Haa. Yeah. All this while. I doubt eu. And am still. A lil bit. That is also part of my phobia. Never2 trust what guys said. Cause i strongly believe that words are wanton. And girls are alwaez blinded by guys switness. Im just too afraid. U tried to give me that reassurance. Much appreciated. But sayang. Im too degil. Haa. But somehow. That attitude of urs really make me come to a point that im just being unfair kan. But. Let time recede the situation. <33>
Seriously. Im just afraid to tink of the possibilities. ))= And sayang. That incident in the past really taught me and i learnt my lessons. I thought that i will NEVER ever wan to hurt eu after all those incidents i did. But see. It happened again. Although this tym i didnt reAlised my mistake at first. Bottom line is that i hurt eu time and again. And the word NEVER does not exist in my dictionary now. See. Even my words are wanton. Loose.
Pls3. Dun ever hide ur feelings from me just because eu dun wan to hurt me or something. Cause. I just hate it when eu have to suffer in silence. While im out there repeating my mistakes, tinking that im happi but at the same tym hurting someone who is deAr to me. I just hate tinking that im being hypocrites. Cause i just hate those kind of people. Its like. Mengajar anak ketam jalan dengan betul. Sth laa.
That conversation eased me down. If oni you were less than an inch away from me. It will definitely soothe my mind. But that helps me too. Thx bebeh. And whatever eu felt. Listen here okay. Never never tink that way k sayang. Every individual has different characteristic. And sayang. I love you the wae eu are. I dun wan to love somebody who is just a replica of some other things. Eu are special and unique in ur own wae k sayang. And. I dun need all that in exchange fer happiness. Im just happi the wae we are now. Thank god. I have a boyfren hu has high tolerance of my nonsense and patience although i gave him shits. Haa. Maybe fer now laa kan? Might never noe in the future. Cause what i see. He is somebody hu is hot-tempered. But why not to me. Haa. Alhamdulillah fer that. Is that just part of those switness eu have in order to make me fall fer eu. Haa. Ok. Im sori fer doubting eu again. Hmm. ((=
So anw. Bottom line is that. Im sori kae. And sayang. Thx fer guiding me thru this few months. Im just wondering why eu do not give up on me even when i hurt eu time and again. Hmm. Sayang. Thx. And. aby. I love eu loads. Argh. Stay strong with me aye. Haa. Nah. Im not the type of person hu will ask that guy to stick with me laa. So if eu have that feelings. Den. Tell me ok. I dun wan to be shiok sendiri. LOL. Eu may be mad at me fer that sentence i wrote. But well. Nothing last as long evn if eu want it to be in that manner. I believe in that. Somehow.
And. Yes. I love eu sayang. Love eu. Love eu. Seems mushy. Eww. But hu cares. Its my blog. Fuh. Im better now after blogging and toking to eu. Im sori. Im truly am. Swit dreams. And good luck fer ur paper. U have gt another 4 hours to wake up to skewl. Haa. Nitez! Dream of me aye.
she shiok sendiri. lol
sya love faddie.
hoho
smile
boo!
terKENCIT.
syasyaLOVESrazif
fierce tak menjadi
candid
<33 him. swit.
us.
step blaja. hoho.
she`s crazy.
funny face.
wanted to kiss. but shy. ((=
aww. she kissed me.
faddie. hoho
us.
smoking part 3
i studied ok. not.
smoking part2
smoking part 1
fad.
sya smoke. not.
smile faddie
smile syasya
muke.
im studying
crook
tts my bestie.
we are cranky lads
syasya step cute. hoho
smawh pple.
look at the backgound. haa.
fad is deprived of taking pics.
syasya.ME
Fad studying.
shiok sendiri
fad. watcha doing?
halo poovan. halo is.
fadie n syadie <33
fad again.
i kissed her.
eww. yucks.
she said good to me.
i was mad.
smwahh him.
he`s my sayang dearest.
halo shaz.
halo sya
halo fad
hardworking ehk.
how buruk. i will love eu laa. haha.
look at fad`s butt.
cute.
more cuter
shaz and fad
smwah.
hoho.
faddie.
teehee.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Hmm. Okay, fer the whole of the SEPTEMBER holidae, i woke up early. Yeah. So. i woke up ard 7 plus in the morning and head to Dhobby Ghaut. I forgot the HOtel`s name. But hell. The breakfast and lunch was superb. Yummilicious. Haa. I just love the browies can. Ouh. Gonna get it some dae. So. Have to dress up fer the function. Hmm. Went there with my ibu. Was very boring at first laa but there`s tis girl talk to me. Wee. Made new fren. But at there oni. Haa. Anw yeye. Ive got that bursary award. And if im smart enough. I will be able to get the scholarship award. Wee. I hope i can laa.. I want.
After that, went shopping with IBU. And went to meet fad and shaz. Saw poovan and islin larh. And all my pics i took at home went down the drain. Freak btol. Hmph. Cetot. So thatmade me agitated. And guess what. Sayang dearest was there tooo laa. He wanted to study with me. But he cant contact me. So he found me with fad. And i ajak him to come along. He was shy. Ala. No need to shy ok? ((= And i love him loads. Was fun just now. Yes. Yes. And he pinched me. Pain.. And i bite his ear. Hoho. Sori sayang. =P
Head to the beach after that. And i didnt get to study. We cam whore. Was fun. Minus the stoopid camera can. HaA. I upload it later. Ok bubbye. So fad and shaz? Are we gg to study tml?
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Ok. Its 8. Yeah. EIGHT. Teehee. I remember okae. We never fail to go out. But we did. Haa. No worries. Uh freak. I`ll try to stop using those profanities. Hoho. Im just afraid that he will read my blog sooner or later. <3>
So yeah Me and bestie had planned to go fer our breakfast at 9:30. But as usual, we woke up late. Hoho. Sori faddie. Anw. Syasya board bus 28 at ard 12. And guess wgat??! I swear it was him. Yes it was him. Positively sure. Darn it. Had my mp3 stucked on my ear. And hell. I was in rush. But thank god. The situation was like that. Just imagine if i would have to face his face at that moment. Im sure that my eyes will be sting by my tears. Lalala. Yes. At that moment. My heart skipped a beat. Maybe two. Drum rolls. But i noe i have to be strong. And gawd. WHile i was rushing, i accidently knocked his feet. Cross-legged. Signalled sori to that person. But i didnt turn around coz i was too busy finding my ezlink card. But bottomline is that. Im swear it was him. Yeah. He`s still alive though.
Met fad. And i was super late. As usual. Sori. Reached the class. Guess what? I cried. Yeah. I broke my bloody promise that i made to myself. Argh shoots. WTH. And thx fad. At least u understood. Its pain fad. U asked me. Why i cried? And hell ive got no answers to that. ))= BUt well. Im moving on. Swear i am trying. And guess what. Whenever i tink about that. I will imagine sayang dearest face. And that really helps. ((= Thx bebeh. And after i cried. I just find myself acting really dumb. Haa. And im shy towards fad larh fer showing my cant contro emotions.
So I went to meet sayang dearest. Woot. AH bliss. I miss my boyfren can. FINALLY. And he told me that he saw shawal laa. Hmm. No futher elaboration. Went simei. After that went to paris. Im still missing him. ))= GAwd, i miss my sayang. BIG HUGSS can? Haa. Anw. I find that she`s good. At playing that. Wah. Shiok uh. Shiok.
And i meet up with faddie and shaz. Eat my late dinner. And hey. Went to the beach. Yeah. I let him outta my head. Some. The rest. Cant. And he`s there at the beach. MAy his soul rest in peace. ((= And boi. Im sori that i broke my damn promise i made. Promises are meant to be broken fer both of us. Since eu didnt keep urs. Den y should i? Haa. And i will try my very best to love him as much as i can. (though i am very afraid. n i doubt i can make it.) And i shall prove to eu that i can make it still. Haa. And i bloody want to dye my hair. I hope i bump into eu. Kan shiok. Jusst wana see those expressions. N guess what? Sya fell off at that rope. Bloody toot. *shy* Ok. SHUDDUP fad and shaz. LOL.
Ok. Im tired. Sayang dearest asked me to call him once i reached home. But unfortuately, he`s aslp i guess. Swit drems sayang. Big hugs. ANd sya misses eu. Sya love eu can. Haa. Smwahh. Few more daes till the egg is gonna hatch. Soon k. Be patient.
Fad. Thx fer accompanying me board the bus okay. Love eu. And thx fer that note. That really shows that eu care. Love eu honeybunch!!
Friday, September 08, 2006
Maka Nabi pun bersabda: 'Inilah malam Nisfu Syaaban. Sesungguhnya Allah swt akan memperhatikan hamba-hamba-Nya pada malam Nisfu Syaaban.''Maka Dia akan mengampunkan orang-orang yang meminta keampunan, akan merahmati sesiapa yang meminta dan Dia akan menangguhkan (pencatatan kejahatan) bagi orang yang berdendam sebagaimana idaman dendaman mereka.'
Hmm. I wante to go to expo. Yeah. I want to. But due to some reasons. I guess. I will just skipp t. Alaa. ))= I went last year sei. So anw. Im gonna doa fer everything. What i feeling inside me and all stuffs. I hope i will be stronger after this. And i want it to be good. Amin.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Im tired and wear off. It`s 8 tomorrow.
Sheesh. I gave up.
Ouh yes. I met my frens at the bawa blok. Zhaf ajak go down. So i went fer a while. He`s changed. LOL. No more fatty babats. But still short. Haa. So he`s fren is like fun. Fun. Saw khairi. And there`s this sb laa. Gatal? I should sae.
So anw. Yes. Im so glad that i can blog. But the exuberant need of me blogging has recede already. So. It`s better fer me not to yack about just now. Actually. Nth much. Oni that im just feeling bored. Waiting fer eu is like waiting fer a cow to return home. Haa. Sounds familiar? Haa. Tt made me LAUGH! Nah. Tt was being quoted somewhere. ((=
One should not follow ur feelings. So i should not follow my feelings. See. Thx to the song. Kata hati usah diturut. Kalau diturut mrosak jiwa. Kalau dikenang bisa menangis sebak di jiwa. Kalau rindu alunkan lagu. Lagu irama cinta dahulu. Simpati orang usah dirayu. Hanya menambah luka parah hati tersiksa. Lumrah bercinta penuh dugaan. Lambaian kasih bisa terlerai. Basically. Tt doesnt mean anythg else. Somehow that song made me stronger. In both. ((= See. At least. Ive learnt. What`s the use of missing that sb. Eu cant see him right away. No lose. No gain. Forget it then. ((=
And hus says that distance makes the heart grows fonder? Nopez. I dun really agree. Cause i guess somehow it will make the relationship strained? In my case. I hope not. No wae. ((= Yes it`s oni 1 dae. But it seems soo long.
And yeah. Now. I can lepak with those new frens of mine. But i tink. Better not. What will he say. Hmm. Several guys and a girl. Play safe? Den no. We shall see. Alaa. Ive got nothing to blog on. And im just plain bored. Those jerks on MSN are somewhat irritating. I mean those i don`t noe. Grr. What`s ur motive in giving out ur number to sb eu dunno? Crap. Guys are GATAL can. Eww. Tt refers to the majority. ((=
So anw. Yes. Im so glad that i can blog. But the exuberant need of me blogging has recede already. So. It`s better fer me not to yack about just now. Actually. Nth much. Oni that im just feeling bored. Waiting fer eu is like waiting fer a cow to return home. Haa. Sounds familiar? Haa. Tt made me LAUGH! Nah. Tt was being quoted somewhere. ((=
One should not follow ur feelings. So i should not follow my feelings. See. Thx to the song. Kata hati usah diturut. Kalau diturut mrosak jiwa. Kalau dikenang bisa menangis sebak di jiwa. Kalau rindu alunkan lagu. Lagu irama cinta dahulu. Simpati orang usah dirayu. Hanya menambah luka parah hati tersiksa. Lumrah bercinta penuh dugaan. Lambaian kasih bisa terlerai. Basically. Tt doesnt mean anythg else. Somehow that song made me stronger. In both. ((= See. At least. Ive learnt. What`s the use of missing that sb. Eu cant see him right away. No lose. No gain. Forget it then. ((=
And hus says that distance makes the heart grows fonder? Nopez. I dun really agree. Cause i guess somehow it will make the relationship strained? In my case. I hope not. No wae. ((= Yes it`s oni 1 dae. But it seems soo long.
And yeah. Now. I can lepak with those new frens of mine. But i tink. Better not. What will he say. Hmm. Several guys and a girl. Play safe? Den no. We shall see. Alaa. Ive got nothing to blog on. And im just plain bored. Those jerks on MSN are somewhat irritating. I mean those i don`t noe. Grr. What`s ur motive in giving out ur number to sb eu dunno? Crap. Guys are GATAL can. Eww. Tt refers to the majority. ((=
Ouh well. I fell that today there`s a NID fer me to blog. But ive got no control ver this comp fer now. So shall elaborate later. Anw. It`s oni day 1 fer me. But i feel so grr. Cant be explained. Yeah. I miss him. But well. I figured out that i should not miss him loads. Haa. Cause . . . Ok crap. Gtg. Yess. Sya miss him. <33!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Im happy fer my kwn. Yes. Yes. Ubber glad. Wee. She`s happi and has settle down. Hoho. We can make dem like us. Bestfrens. Haa. Kidding. Congratulation and jubilation. Ok sya. Stop making a hoo haa about it. ((=
Feeling ookay. But hell. Syasya miss sb. And he`s none other than my sayang dearest. Met aidil just now. Hoho. I dunnoe y i gave him that wryly smile. Haa. But ok nothing. So i got books to read. My textbook bores me. And i love reading novels. And there`s 3 in my bag. Hoho. Im famishied. Gonna have my supper later with adik and abd. And i wonder what`s wrong with my kakak. Her eyes are red and teary. So cheer up yeah. An I so love the book im reading now laaa. Fun. ((= "Aftershock" Forgot the tittle.
So anw. Syasya feels so guiltty. About what we talked last night and what had happened too. Im soo sori.. I appologised. ))= Feel soo bad. Is it bcause of me. Hmm. Push that aside. So anw. Im gonna be so3 lonely. Im gonna restrain myself frm bleepING him. Yes. I have to. ))= Argh. Tell me how am i suppose to do that. And if i don`t return ur kol or take the initiative to call eu den im truly sori. Im just afraid to call eu laa. Still. Sya love eu ok. Yes. I love him. So. I end up missing him more. The feeling of missing him has not subsidies. Ok. Sya. No complaining ok. It`s so hard fer me to meet him larh. I dun ask fer it at the 1st place. I dun dare. LOL. Onli once. But if oni i can do that as often. Dream on girl. Blergh- I hope everythings going well on his part. Sya miss eu babe.
And in additional. She sent her regards to him. Yeah. Where'd euu go? She missED eu so. She rummaged thru her stuffs and found sth that made her cry. Said eu would stand by her. Thru good and bad times. Said frens never part. But it was a moment of falsity. Are eu out to get back at her? She would never cast her frens aside. No she wouldnt. But eu did to her. Arent eu unethical to do that to her?
So anw. Syasya feels so guiltty. About what we talked last night and what had happened too. Im soo sori.. I appologised. ))= Feel soo bad. Is it bcause of me. Hmm. Push that aside. So anw. Im gonna be so3 lonely. Im gonna restrain myself frm bleepING him. Yes. I have to. ))= Argh. Tell me how am i suppose to do that. And if i don`t return ur kol or take the initiative to call eu den im truly sori. Im just afraid to call eu laa. Still. Sya love eu ok. Yes. I love him. So. I end up missing him more. The feeling of missing him has not subsidies. Ok. Sya. No complaining ok. It`s so hard fer me to meet him larh. I dun ask fer it at the 1st place. I dun dare. LOL. Onli once. But if oni i can do that as often. Dream on girl. Blergh- I hope everythings going well on his part. Sya miss eu babe.
And in additional. She sent her regards to him. Yeah. Where'd euu go? She missED eu so. She rummaged thru her stuffs and found sth that made her cry. Said eu would stand by her. Thru good and bad times. Said frens never part. But it was a moment of falsity. Are eu out to get back at her? She would never cast her frens aside. No she wouldnt. But eu did to her. Arent eu unethical to do that to her?
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Syasya miss sayang dearest. Yes i miss him. Hope i get to see him tml. Wee. Smwah. Pull thru okay sayang. Thx fer listening to my laments though if i hurt eu in some way or another. And i just feel the need to appologise to eu ok. Haa. This part lame laa.
Bt just a sincere appology if i ever hurt eu again and again.
Thx fer what eu did fer me thoughout this several months. And yes. Syasya love eu bebeh. Smwah! I miss ur hug. Yes. I miss that. *Big HUGs* ((= Argh sayang. I miss eu larh. I miss eu. Hmph. Nitez sweets. Wee. I love eu. I love eu can. Anw. It less than a month sayang!!! Haa. Wanna watch NC-16 movie? LOL. Wanna play pool sayang? At downtown? Haa. H.A.B to sayang dearest.
Boo! Hapi BDAE to AKMAL. Hapi 16th bdae. Okay syasya and fad sayang went to somewhere near town. Not exactky. The seacrh fer that really tires me out. Hoho. But alas. We manage to get it. Perseverance pays out everything. See. At least eu get to meet. Its okay. Fad smile okae. ((= Love eu cherrie. If oni i buy that brief. HOHO. It would be fun. Rite. Rite fad. And anw. Dun ever underestimate a small cake okae. No matter how small it is. You wun noe that it may cost more than eu expected it to be. Hoho. So. Size doesnt count. =P Anw. Tot that counts eventually.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Sunday. Is a continuos boredom for me. Sheesh. I just hate SUNDAYS. Grr. So anw. Syasya realli laa miss my sayang dearest. Its been 123456789 days since i met him. Haha. Tt`s exeggerating larh. ((= But wei. Long wat. Cast those aside. And help. gawd. Im feeling ever soo lousy. I nid faddie`s help. And i hope that sayang dearest can help me pull thru this. Nah. But pls. I nid that asap. I dun want to be like this. Argh freak. And i swear that sayang dearest doesnt know what is happening. He will. But nth much actually. Its not that i did sth wrong. Hell no. I learnt from mistakes ok. I dun wish to lose him. And that`s fer sure. But well. This feeling about him is like tearing my heart apart can. Pain. Pain. Tell me. How am i suppose to erased this character ouuta my life wen i kept dreaming about him. Yes. Ive been dreaming about him. And i soo hate malay songs now can. I soo hate him. Fer making me into this, BLOODY BRAINS! Control my mind ass hole!! Like haloo. I nid to study. Buut i cant. How. How. Fad. Help me. *middle finger* I soo nid to go to the beach. That`s where he once told me to calm my mind and everythg. I still remembered that. And it does help me. [luaskan ur mind like this sea. i noe eu can. yes eu can] That happened like almost 1 year before. Remember fad..? Eu were there. I cried my hearts out rite. And tis tm. It happened again. And i dont want this to affect my realtionship with sayang dearest and oso my O level. Hell no. I feel so weak. I feel so pffft. I cant explain.
Fad. R eu serious that eu want to go study ton? Hmm. Tonight issit? I shall asked my mom. Haa. I try laa. Fad. See. Its haunting me laa. I dont noe y i called eu the moment i woke up and tell eu that. But i swear that tis is such a bitch. Fad holla me ok. Fad. Change me. Change me.
Fuh. Syasya slpt at 4:30 in the morning. Yeah. But well. Syasya did have super fun. Chatting. And thx to -iFORGETtisguyname-, i am able to forget everythg much3 better. Ive picked myself up. And im happi. Although i noe. That tis will be a breakthru fer me. I find that somehow my life is bleak without him. It all started off with a simple HI. Yeah chatted with him before. But usually i dun chat with somebody im not familiar with. But somehow. He knew sth is just not right with me. And i swear that i didnt know how he knows that. But well. I connected with him quite well. So he asked me laa ig i got guy and stuffs. Ok. And i swear that tis is the first tym i did that. Haa. Gd sign of me. Yeah. ((=
HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI.... THE LEGENDARY SlAsHeR......... says:
tat's mean a tk suka susah kn u tat gd sight of him.
HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI.... THE LEGENDARY SlAsHeR......... says:
u knoe..
HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI.... THE LEGENDARY SlAsHeR......... says:
dia tk trouble kn u..
HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI.... THE LEGENDARY SlAsHeR......... says:
tis case ek.. u n a like to simpan problem sendiri.. bab tu u can't get to understanding each other tat much..
tat's mean a tk suka susah kn u tat gd sight of him.
HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI.... THE LEGENDARY SlAsHeR......... says:
u knoe..
HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI.... THE LEGENDARY SlAsHeR......... says:
dia tk trouble kn u..
HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI.... THE LEGENDARY SlAsHeR......... says:
tis case ek.. u n a like to simpan problem sendiri.. bab tu u can't get to understanding each other tat much..
HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI.... THE LEGENDARY SlAsHeR......... says:
pengalaman in lv mematang kn fikiran seseorang....
HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI.... THE LEGENDARY SlAsHeR......... says:
o remember the ths tat b make u angry n hate him..
o remember the ths tat b make u angry n hate him..
HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI.... THE LEGENDARY SlAsHeR......... says:
tis case ek.. u n a like to simpan problem sendiri.. bab tu u can't get to bottom linett much
tis case ek.. u n a like to simpan problem sendiri.. bab tu u can't get to bottom linett much
And so. He is my trustworthy buddy. No. Seriously. He pull me thru laa. Thx sweets. And from todae. Im gonna breathe a new lease of life. Im not gonna be that sya animoe. Somehow. He`s just history kan. I want to be that sya yg in the past yg not afraid to let her feelings ovrcome her body sometimes. She`s now too timid laa. Due to some reasons that happened to her in the past. I ty laa too change. But im gonna miss him. Seriously i will. Ok enuf about that. Toot. Bubbye. This will definitely change my life . And there`s alwaez my O level. Yeah. I have to make it WITHOUT him by my side. I nid to prove to him that i am able to make it without him. I nid to show his family that i dun nid to depnd on him. I nid all that. So give me the courage and brains fer me to prove him that i can succeed in life without him by my side.
So. Go sya. Eu can make it. Girl power. Im here w/o eu. But hell listen here. Sya dun nid eu in my life. Go. Shoo. I soo hate eu. Sya despise eu. Thk eu fer making me hate eu. So. He`s my kenangan terindah. Thx ok fer craving beautful panaroma inagain. For the better? Or fer the worse. Let tym recede everythg. Put it tis wae. Syasya HATE him okay. Thx new fren. If somehow, we akan close tere`s alwaes the line to that frenship.. New fren told me that i should not remember all of the thgs he once promised me. It`s all over. He`s just sb that WAS in my past. But i dun regrd that. But now. I have to. So here`s 4 him. Selamat tinggal sayangku. Semoga engkau bahagia. Fuh. Tts quite a load. I nid to tink ahead my life. I`ll update again. Is it my ego saying all tis? Or is it sya? . . .
At the same time. Syasya miss sayang dearest. That i cant deny. Seriously. Ciao.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Sometimes. I wish I was brave.
I wish I was stronger. I wish I could feel no pain.
I wish I was young.
I wish I was shy.
I wish I was you not I.
'Cause I feel so mad. I feel so angry.
I feel so callused. So lost, confused, again.
I feel so cheap. So used, unfaithful. Let's start over.
Let's start over.
SometimesI wish I was smart.
I wish I made cures for. How people are.
I wish I had power.
I wish I could lead. I wish I could change the world.
For you and me. 'Cause I feel so mad. I feel so angry.
I feel so callused. So lost, confused, again.
I feel so cheap. So used, unfaithful.
Let's start over. Let's start over.
'Cause I feel so mad. I feel so angry.
I feel so callused. So lost, confused, again.
I feel so cheap. So used, unfaithful.
Let's start over. Let's start over.
I feel so mad. I feel so angry. I feel so callused.
So lost, confused, again. I feel so cheap. So used, unfaithful.
Let's start over. Let's start over. Let's start over
I am sososo elated. Yes. Sept holidae is rite. And that means that i can sleep. I am so wear off. Yeah. Prelim was least MONDAE. There goes my dream to go fer that 3 mth course at a JC. How pathetic. Sth happened to me. Yeah. And i have got no mood to study. But in the middle of it, i managed to study. Imagine studying fer a major exam exactly 16 hours before the exam? WTH. I cross my finger that i can pass. But it was all sososo freaking hard. If oni i started off early. And not bother to the thgs that is swirling. So. Hu says that one cant move on if ur motivator is gone? To hell to that. I dun wan eu to make a come back. No matter how much i appreciate our frenship. Enuf is enuf. I soo wanna blog on that. But i dunno where to start. So let me blog about the happenings ard my skewl. Hmm.
So. I am super duper glad that my dearest frens folio has completed. Wee. YeahNESS to faddie. Nad. AIdil. Farhi and Ibni. *claps* And these really make me all stress up fer mine assignment. Gawd. -___-" So any todae is teacher`s dae. Hapi teachers dae to all teachers esp to MISS CHEONG and MDM ROHAYAH! Dunman is sososo RICH. They bought fer every class a 3 kg choc fudge cake. Ouh. Yummeh. And i had sososo much fun just now. Wee. (((= Lazy laa to elaborate. Anw. HAPI BDAE TO DEAREST NAJIB!!!
And guessed wat. SYasya saw sb. Yeah. It`s actually heartening fer me to did that. But well. I have to. Fer some personal reasons. Anw. Saw shawal. He talked to me. Yeah. So. Asked me to kol him tonight. Hmm. We shall see hoe. I just dun wan to mengharapkan him. I dun wanna him to be my pillar animore. I dun wanna him to be my shadow. I have to learn and i am learning. Going very fine without him. But i have to admit that i don`t sometimes. But with my darlings. I am able to make it this far. Yeah. That promised we made. We should pretend that we did not make any promises. And BLOODSUCKER. Eu left me with empty promises. Time and again. And well. This tym i am not gg to depend on eu anymore. Gawd. Help me to be independent without him.
Anw. Malay paper was hard. Geo was hard too. So yeahness. Im gonna mug hard fer my LIT paper 2. SCIENCE. F&N. MATHS paper2. Chiayou sya. And gogogo fad! All thx to fafad dearest that i can concentrate on my exam. I mean. Now. I can study with FADDIE`S around. Hmm. Last tym cant. So. faddie. Can eu be my motivator. Haa. ((= Can?
So. I am very sorry that i am the one hu is straying the relationship now. We separated wen im having my prelims. And eu did that too during my N level. Shitheads. And fer that. Im really hating eu. So. Its better fer me to forget the existence of eu. Yeah. It`s hard. Do i have a choice. EU made me to treat eu tis way. EU asked fer it. So EU gonna get wat eu asked. Said eu had be there all along. And that includes my prelim. Yeah. Thx. Eu did that way3 b4 prelim. Remember? Bt where were eu wen i nid eu while doing my prelims? Fu@k. I noe sayang dearest will feel hurt by my entry.
And i appologised to him cause im feeling this wae. Im not mixing all my words. Eu have to understand okay. Seriously. I do appreciate his frenship and i really3 treasure him. And that is why we are so3 close. But being close doesnt mean that i am INTO him. I do have my limits. I hope eu trust me in that. But pls3 noe that we are so super3 close. I hope eu wouldnt mind with that. ))= Im just afraid to tell eu. I tink that there are some things in my life that i just kept it to myself. So. I really have to be that super3 close to that sb if i wanna share some parts of me with him/her. However. I love eu okay sayang. And pls3. Remember wat eu told me just nw? Hmm. I hope eu wouldnt do that kind of thg. Lalala. Tink. What if that happens again to us? Will eu do the thgs eu had planned to do last tym? Ever tink about me. Haa.
Oklaa. Im done blogging. I feel better. Not. At least that part regarding him. Is ok. ((= Sigh of relief. Anw. Im soososo MISS my sayang dearest. Haa. ((=
